"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
