I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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