I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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