Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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