I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
