I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
