Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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