Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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