Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
