somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
