My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
