I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
