Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
