i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
