there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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