census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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