so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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