I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
