there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
