Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
