i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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