Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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