i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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