If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
