You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
