his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
