Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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