Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
