Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
