i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
