at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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