I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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