There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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