I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
