I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
