U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
