Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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