about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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