what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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