you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
