My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
