There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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