Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
