my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
