so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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