her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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