I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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