yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
