You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He has the fingertips of a God
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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