I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
