i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
