Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
