So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
