just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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