Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
