Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
